my heart says....

my life isn't only about me. its about all. i mean my family, loved one, friends, colleague etc....sometimes i would think, why don't i just think about myself? i can and i did. but what happened then was everything went wrong. you see, it not just thinking about myself, i have to think about everybody as well. it is fun to do something like that but it's not fun when people around you start to complaining about it. i think it's not just about me all the while, its about everything and everyone of us. whatever that i do or what i'm going to do, i have to make sure it will not make others feel "hey that's not right!"...you know what i mean. i cant afford to lose something so precious in my life and at the same time i cant afford to not to do something that i wanted to do most before my time arrives. now everything seems to be cloudy. i sometime can't think straight man( i'm straight okay..hehe). it just went blur. i don't know how to judge the situation. this cant be happening. if not i will pay the high price for it. yesterday everything went wrong. i was acting like a jerk!!! i pity her for my stupidity. i don't know what was i thinking. am i too drunk to think rational? i don't think so....i was still can think. but what fuck i was thinking yesterday? was it because some other think that i having right now? perhaps yes. couldn't i handle it? i could. am i sure? hahaha..guys! all of you are now trapped into my mind game. hahaha....seriously i'm fucked up! this shouldn't be happening. my life isn't that complicated, its me who made it complicated. to whom i should go and find the solution? man i'm able to solve it by my own, it just that i'm too lazy to make it happen. people around the globe, i'm so confused!!!